I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize