dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
