i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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