he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
