OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
