Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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