So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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