How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
