If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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