She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
