You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
