I'm so fucking centered right now
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
