Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
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Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
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how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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