you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
