Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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