Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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