i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
