I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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