If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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