My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
