Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
