is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He passed out mid-signature
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
