Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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