wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
