oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
