are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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