It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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