Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
