I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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