You smell like a Billy Joel song
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
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He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
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I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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