I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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