you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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