My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
