Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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