If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
