dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
