so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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