i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
