Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
