you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
