i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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