I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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