Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
