Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
