if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
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Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize