her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
