Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
