After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
