Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
