Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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