So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
