so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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