your room smells of hookers.
And success
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
