you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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