I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
