Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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