He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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