I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
