Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
