Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
