The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
